Sunday, July 25, 2010

one day at a time...

sometimes life sucks. I got in the ring, I jabbed and covered my face and thought I held it off, then WHAM!!! knocked out, like didn't see it coming, like OUCH what the fuck was that???? I layed there, eyes blurry, head spinning and really thought I can't get up, but then, slowley I came too. I saw the ropes, I heard the count, then slowley I made my way up. I grabbed hold of the ropes and with all the strength I had I slowly pulled myself up. and here I am, 2 weeks later and I am up... a little dazed and confused, and suffering from one HUGE headache, There is a HUGE cut, that will take a long time to heal, and the scar will be big. Back at work, taking my kids out here and there, showered, a little gloss and mascara, and alot of friend therapy and sunsets. Went to see my dad for the first time in 9 years and oh boy, picture me,no bra, tank and boxers scaling a wall to get into the "ash memorial" @ vanderbilt pres. put a glass of wine down, looked up at the cross on top of that church, and said "ok... I am here... WHAT????? and what happened next? it started to rain... yep I said it ...rain, as in I am braless in a wife-beater tank and boxers and it is raining on me @ 11;30 at night at a church that I am sure has some type of high tech security system! and then there came the "ropes" again a call from a good friend "where r you... come here " and as I sat there listening to Norah Jones and just cried, a friend pulls up in her van, braless as well, and says "I am here your gonna be ok, I know this hurts but you can do it"! and here I go pulling up on those ropes... I am up, I am dizzy, I an not sure how stable I am to stand, but I know those ropes are my bitches, I can't thank you my friends enough for being my ropes, for texting, calling, PRAYING, crying, offering to sleep @ my house, taking my kiddos, and most of all telling me how strong Iam, how I can do this, and I am NOT CRAZY!!!!! I am sure there will be a few more times I fall, get knocked out, but I know I have some strong ropes around my crazy life in the ring, and I have never felt better knowing you bitches got my back!!!!! Life is CRAZY, not fair and DAMN this hurts, but I will apply ice, take some ibuprofin, wake up face another day of "this crazy life"up tommorrow , and I know I can do it! they say it takes a village, well shit I feel like I have a whole country! then I have the few, that meet for drinks, show up at my house, call for sushi, laugh til it hurts @ BBG, sit here and say nothing at all... but most of all they say "I support you, I love you" well that is just the medicine I need~~~~~~ Thank you my ropes...

Tuesday, July 20, 2010


Lots going on, lots to write. For now... my boy! he turned 11!!! Where did it go? I remember what he felt like, what it felt like when he was nursing, how he slept better when I put him next to me in bed, and he slept better when I, wasbreathing next to him. I love being his mom, it is an honor. I love his smile, his sense of adventure, his love for everyday. Sometimes life, deals you a shit but I look at him and it is all worth it! i have cut the cord BIG time, letting him leave on a 2 week trip w/ his grandparents to NY and PA. Ohhhh how I will miss him, but know how ready he is I know what a good boy he is, and I am ready... I am ready to be a middle school mama, a mama of an 11 year old...