What would I do without them! I need them, love them like sisters I never had. I have lots of them (thank God) Had the opportunity to hand w/ a few of them last night. We grew up here, went to high school together, married, had children etc. and now we have to schedule these not often enough dinners together! I literally get giddy before seeing them. I know there will be lots of laughs, great gossip ( yes we gossip... so?) sometimes tears, but most of ... acceptance. We know no matter what we are going through, we love each other, we love each others spouses (or significant others Tommy.. just saying) we love our children and love talking about them and the mamas and wives that they make us! I have been up and down lately, mostly good days but some yucky ones. I am ready to move on, ready to forget all of the hurt and pain, and fuck it! sometimes I am tired of the whole "you are so strong" " you can do this" bullshit and so, when a night like this comes, there are no words. We just know. We know what each of us needs. They speak to me and at the same time they say nothing at all... they just get it! I can say what I want and they support, no judging, just letting me know. We talk about things inappropriate, we say things that some of you only WISH you had the friend that would say that shit out loud. We get serious, talk about local news issues, politics and religion. We may not always agree, but we ALWAYS accept each others opinions. I saw a sign in Homegoods yesterday, it said "when you find a TRUE friend, you hold on to them w/ both hands". Well I am grabbin these girls tight, holding on with my non-slip gloves, and not letting go! Looking forward to a new year, full of an empty canvas, full of happiness, and especially full of memories with these bitches!!!
Sunday, November 7, 2010
I hate to say it, that things are good. That is something I want to be careful with. I thought things were good before, I thought I would never feel good again, but I DO! that huge cut I suffered from that massive blow is finally starting to scab up. Eventually there will be a scar. I am sure it will be an ugly scar, but i think I can cover it up pretty good. I wouldn't change a thing about the way I handled myself. I know who my true friends are, the ones that I am sure it was so hard to be there, but they were. The friends that want BOTH of us to be happy, good. I look in the mirror and I am proud of the way I have handled myself. I am proud of the mother and wife that I am. I am inspired by my faith and truly have experienced Amazing Grace. The power of forgiveness is strong, and I feel empowered that he and I are strong enough and love each other enough to do this. We are growing, yes with lots of tears, but also lots of laughs. Brutal honesty and a renewed belief in ourselves and our vows and the faith that we believe. I am stronger because of this. I am doing things I never thought capable, and I feel good. Yes, there will be bad days, but I learning to cope, I am learning to be vulnerable, I learning that hurt is accepting that it can be good again. I am learning what true love and true friendship is, but most of all... I am learning to love this crazy life of mine all over again.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
it was perfect. It was just what i needed! My people, my roots... "kin" we left early, we drove all day, we saw Cotton in full bloom, and drove through the state of Alabama wrapped in Gator snuggies ( GASP )!!!!! we arrived in time for supper! greeted by cool air and wine on the deck and a sunset on the lake. We ate the MOST delish pot roast and mashed potatoes, and we laughed. We laughed, and caught up, and just "soaked" each other up! I always feel like I am at a bed and breakfast here, we have our own little sweet, a big welcome cozy bed, a guest room, a bathroom, all upstairs and cozy and perfect. Woke up every morning to the smell of coffee and eggs, and bacon, and gravy and biscuits. Every meal around a table, preceded with "grace" led by my Uncle Sonny, he was most grateful for the blessings of family, and the children of our family. Days were spent with Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, all arriving and BIG hugs, all day on the boat, and fishing lines, and cast nets, an "wine thirty"!!! BB-Q and grill outs, and CAUSBIES cookies delivered special by my cousins from Kennett. "ooey gooey butter cake" and b-day cake for my cousin Jonna. Late night chats with my cousins, early morning coffee outside in crisp air. A long and perfect day on the boat, a visit to the water falls, as we watched our boys climb the rocks and take their first daring jump off of the falls!!! Followed by late afternoon on the dock, kids running and jumping off the dock, wave running and tubing. more food, more wine and more chats. LOVED waking up to all three kiddos climbing into bed and cuddling w/ me. Life is different her, no phone, no computer, but lots of love. We have been coming here for 17 years now, and we have thousands of memories. Sooo many laughs, soooo much love and most of all ... lots more memories to come. I love these people. I love their unconditional love, and the "southern grace" I am blessed to be born with.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
life is rolling along, I think it can,t and then I find myself doing it... just living. I am still alive, I am more aware, more appreciative. I am breathing in my mornings a little deeper, hugging my friends a little tighter, listening to my kids just talk about their friends, life, praying a little more, working a little harder. Kids have settled nicely into school, they love their teachers and complain about homework, they get off the bus starving, rush through homework and the race outside to play with their friends, stop the ice cream truck, and beg to stay out 10 minutes longer when I tell them to come in. I am packing today, heading to Tennessee, to soak up my southern roots like biscuits soak up gravy. I haven't seen them in a while, I need them, my roots, my dads family. I need my kids to play with cousins, swim in a lake, jump off a dock, catch fish and eat the best southern food in the south. When we are there, life slows down, we sit on a porch and say few words, or sometimes we don't stop talking, we remember our grandparents, and Christmas's and dinners spent at the kids table. The kids FREAK out when they see a lightning bug, Abby swears she saw a "Tinkerbell" and my heart swells, my eyes get cloudy, because I love this big ole southern bunch so much! We head out tomorrow, early in the morning, dive the 12 and 1/2 hours, surely stopping at a cracker barrel along the way, driving along back roads, and state highways. They look for signs, Georgia, Alabama then into Tennessee/Mississippi. They get excited and so do I! I can't wait....
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Life is like a sunset. To me sunsets are like a perscription for therapy, written by God. You have this amazing canvas, and a never ending water line, and the most amazing sounds of waves hitting the shoreline, the sound of seagulls and a gental wind against your face. You look out at this big beautiful sky full of shades of orange, gold, yellow, blue, turquoise, gold and you realize there is something so much bigger than yourself and your problems. If you have had the opportunity to live on the west coast of Florida, you have grown to know that some of the best sunsets come after a storm. The clouds drop down, the colors unite and melt into something much deeper, much more colorful, more electric than you can ever imagine. You sit there and continue to look out in awe of what is happening right before your eyes. I am reminded that this is the way life works as well. God gives us everything, he also presents us with storms, and what I am learning is that the storm is there so you can learn to get through it. I thought it was one big beautiful life, never really had to grow up. Never been presented a challenge. sure their have been life changes, and challenges, but not on such a personal level. I have gone through the storm, been knocked down, scared, literally hanging on for my life, but then in moves a sky, a sunset like this night, and I see a deeper "me" a more beautiful than I could imagine "me" I am getting to know a more mature Donna, learning to live with my heart a lttle more gaurded, learning that I can only live in today, the future scares me, but today is good, and at the end of this day, there will be another sunset. I don't know if it will be a magnificent, or full of electric colors, but there is one guarantee, the sun will set, the night will come and tomorrow is a new day. I must say a quite exciting day... my baby boy starts middle school, he is super excited and full of confidence. Abby starts 4th grade and Olivia starts 2nd grade and they both have had their outfits laid out for a week... right down to their shoes. There is a buzz of excitement around our home and I like them am anxious about the next chapter. I look forward to blank pages, and the fact that I get to write my chapter. I am challenged to be a better mama to my babies, along with a fresh start on homework schedules, and after school activities, and working more, I look forward to the person I am growing into, the friends that have literally held me together. They have let me borrow their boxing gloves, mouth guards, hell... even brass knuckles. They have sent me text that say things as simple as "i love you" to funny hysterical jokes, that I needed in the middle of a good cry, that make me bust out laughing. I am going to face more challenges, more storms, but I look forward to therapy on the beach and many ore of the amazing sunsets...
Sunday, July 25, 2010
sometimes life sucks. I got in the ring, I jabbed and covered my face and thought I held it off, then WHAM!!! knocked out, like didn't see it coming, like OUCH what the fuck was that???? I layed there, eyes blurry, head spinning and really thought I can't get up, but then, slowley I came too. I saw the ropes, I heard the count, then slowley I made my way up. I grabbed hold of the ropes and with all the strength I had I slowly pulled myself up. and here I am, 2 weeks later and I am up... a little dazed and confused, and suffering from one HUGE headache, There is a HUGE cut, that will take a long time to heal, and the scar will be big. Back at work, taking my kids out here and there, showered, a little gloss and mascara, and alot of friend therapy and sunsets. Went to see my dad for the first time in 9 years and oh boy, picture me,no bra, tank and boxers scaling a wall to get into the "ash memorial" @ vanderbilt pres. put a glass of wine down, looked up at the cross on top of that church, and said "ok... I am here... WHAT????? and what happened next? it started to rain... yep I said it ...rain, as in I am braless in a wife-beater tank and boxers and it is raining on me @ 11;30 at night at a church that I am sure has some type of high tech security system! and then there came the "ropes" again a call from a good friend "where r you... come here " and as I sat there listening to Norah Jones and just cried, a friend pulls up in her van, braless as well, and says "I am here your gonna be ok, I know this hurts but you can do it"! and here I go pulling up on those ropes... I am up, I am dizzy, I an not sure how stable I am to stand, but I know those ropes are my bitches, I can't thank you my friends enough for being my ropes, for texting, calling, PRAYING, crying, offering to sleep @ my house, taking my kiddos, and most of all telling me how strong Iam, how I can do this, and I am NOT CRAZY!!!!! I am sure there will be a few more times I fall, get knocked out, but I know I have some strong ropes around my crazy life in the ring, and I have never felt better knowing you bitches got my back!!!!! Life is CRAZY, not fair and DAMN this hurts, but I will apply ice, take some ibuprofin, wake up face another day of "this crazy life"up tommorrow , and I know I can do it! they say it takes a village, well shit I feel like I have a whole country! then I have the few, that meet for drinks, show up at my house, call for sushi, laugh til it hurts @ BBG, sit here and say nothing at all... but most of all they say "I support you, I love you" well that is just the medicine I need~~~~~~ Thank you my ropes...
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Lots going on, lots to write. For now... my boy! he turned 11!!! Where did it go? I remember what he felt like, what it felt like when he was nursing, how he slept better when I put him next to me in bed, and he slept better when I, wasbreathing next to him. I love being his mom, it is an honor. I love his smile, his sense of adventure, his love for everyday. Sometimes life, deals you a shit but I look at him and it is all worth it! i have cut the cord BIG time, letting him leave on a 2 week trip w/ his grandparents to NY and PA. Ohhhh how I will miss him, but know how ready he is I know what a good boy he is, and I am ready... I am ready to be a middle school mama, a mama of an 11 year old...
Sunday, June 20, 2010
took "this crazy life" to a whole new level in the last few months, but I am back, and I am bloggin. since my last post lots of crap, but lots of good as well. worked ALOT, volunteered ALOT, and spent alot of time just thinking, and what I find most amazing about this CRAZY life is it is all growth. It is so true that whole phrase "if he leads you to it, he will lead you through it" Feeling very grounded in my friendships, and juggling the whole working mom/ PTO president/ church / baseball mama/ girl scout mama/ business owner/ wife, and ya know what.. it's all good! my boy just finished elementary school and I am so excited watching him grow and mature into the great kid that he is. My girls are growing, and learning, and just soaking in all the little girl things that come w/ their age. So blessed watching there bond, watching the way they care about their dad and I. Seeing how much they understand, and they are not babies anymore. So, with this summer comes a new attitude, a new appreciation, and hopefully alot of sunsets, w/ cold drinks in our hands and sand between our toes. thiscrazylife is MY life, and I am embracing it! Learning, growing, and feeling truly blessed.